AN HISTORICAL ACCOUNTING
 of this Comedie, once lost and now restored to us as it was.

This recording of the Stage Production in London is by the legendary Firesign Theatre Repertory Group who have performed in the same theatre at the same location since the sixteenth century, between the same hours, doing roughly the same play in the same way that it has always been done.

The production was directed by Derek Escrow, with additional dialogue by Rick Shakespeare.


DRAMATIS PERSONAE

THE ARCHBISHOP OF PFLEGM Peter Bergman
EDMUND EDMUND Phil Austin
THE COUNT REGENT David Ossman
PRINCE EDMUND Philip Proctor
MARIE Diz White
SECOND WEIRD COOK Susan Tanner
SAILOR DEUCE Peter Paul
FIRST WEIRD COOK Randy Walleroo
BOSUN Dave Casman
THIRD WEIRD COOK Caroline Presky
HAPPENSTANCE Peter Bergman
SIR ANDREW LUNCHE Phil Austin
FLOUNDER, a fisherman David Ossman
STORMENDRAIN Philip Proctor
PETER OF PIKE Barney Bernard
LORD FANGBONER Porter Oakland
MARINARA, a soldier Harrison David
EARL OF FAIRFAX Philip George
PESTIO, a Fool Peter Bergman
MOLE, a gravedigger Phil Austin
HOLE David Ossman
LORD BURBANK Philip Proctor
LORD MULHOLLAND John Mayer
MALMMBOURG, GRAPESHOT,
MUZZLE, MELROSE, BEVERLY,
SOLDIERS AND TOWNSPEOPLE   		 Irregular members of the
Radio Extras Guild
 


SCENES IN THE PLAYE

I. 1. A Nawful Place, A Heathe
I. 2. A Shippe at Sea
I. 3. The Rampartes of Castle Pflegm
     
II. 1. A Wilde Beache
II. 2. The Closette of the Counte
II. 3. The Bishop's Celle
II. 4. A Graveyarde
     
III. 1. The Throne Roome
III. 2. A Battle Fielde
III. 3. A Hille
III. 4. The Bishope's Battel-Tente


NOTES

Act One

I. 1. Beate ... meate.
It was a common practice in Shakphere's time to use mutton or venison as drums.

I. 1. deep-fried fowl.
A reference to the common Chickene-Stands that overran London in the years between 1601 and 1620. They were eventually outlawed by the Lord Chamberlain.

I. 1. Morphine.
The Grecian goddess of dreams and procrastination.

I. 3. Sir Andrew Lunche.
He was a real person, a "disembodied Scottish Lorde" who was so thin that he was often not seen at all unless one walked around him. Queen Elizabeth herself was said to have performed unmentionable Toiletries in his presence, unaware that he was watching. He was beheaded in 1613, although the executioner was never sure. "It might have been a shadowe," he was said to have said.


Act Two

II. 1. the Winter Tempest's Tail.
This is the primary justification for E. R. Bothelin's assignment of the authorship of this play to Wm. Shakespeare and not, as had been previously assumed, to Richard Greene, that "Tiger's Heade wrapt in poore Shakespeare's hearte" who claimed until his death in 1634 that it was he who wrote it. He too, seemed unsure of the title.

II. 2. No Peasante rebel's Forke...
A reference commonly used to date the play's authorship to later than 1599, the year of the Pflegmish Peasant's Rebellion in which the Peasants refused to eat with forks.

II. 2. As Pope doth Poope in Woodes.
Here Shakespire is drawing from Chaucer's "The Pope's Nose Tale."

II. 3. Friar Swiggen's Spitte.
A Broadsworde upon which heretics and non-Conforming Cattle were slowly barbecued. The results, we are told, were delicious.


Act Three

III. 1. The Greatest Agencie of Alle.
This must surely identify the London Theatrical Agency of William and Morris.

III. 2. He's Deade. Who Cares?
A common medieval attitude.



GLOBE SALAD (figure 1) - This vehicle of theatrical criticism consisted of a rotten plover's egg, A, ensconced in an overly ripe tomatoe, B, itself encased in a hideously bloated cabbage, C. Audiences at the Globe Theatre would hurl these wicked devices at offending actors or throw them at the poor upon leaving the theatre in order to improve their sense of charity and aim. This dish has since become a favorite amongst insane British vegetarians.

  

ORANGE NELL (figure 2) - This saucy wench was actually a man (Geoffrey Clapper) who revolutionized the look of Shakespeare's women by secreting Spanish oranges in his doublet to simulate breasts. He gave new dimensions to his portrayal of the floating Ophelia and the ill starred Caesar - nicknamed "Orange Julius" in this role. Clapper was rumored to be the Bard's main squeeze.

  

KURDMANGLER (figure 3) - Early device for squeezing the milk of human kindness out of strangers. Used originally against the one-man invasion of Nurd the Kurd (1127 A.D.), this loathsome invention was subsequently fitted with Multiple Independently Targetable Reentry Vehicles and stands high in the Royal Navy's arsenal of powerful obsolete weapons.